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I can’t seem to get motivated. Well, strike that. I am COMPLETELY motivated. I am sooo tired of all this extra weight. I just can’t seem to get started.

I really don’t understand what the problem is. I have lost weight before. It has NEVER been this hard though!

I keep saying tm will be better, tm will be better. Then, its not. Its just as hard, and I get just as much accomplished which is NOTHING!

I see a lot of people on here who have lost so much! HOW!?

I’m just going to have to suck it up and do better, I know this. It just helps to get all of this out of my system.

Tomorrow I promised a friend I would go and work out with her, so hopefully that will motivate me to actually work out, which I haven’t done since before Christmas.

Anyway, today I ate better than yesterday. I ate HORRIBLE yesterday. I started out great, but then splurged when a friend wanted to surprise me with a dinner and a movie. It really sucks that something which was supposed to be positive and fun is now making me feel like crap today.

ANYWAY. Just wanted to get all of this negative energy out of my system. I think it really helped.

Ever heard the saying “It’s not what you eat on the holidays that makes you fat, its what you eat the rest of the year.”

False.

I gained 5lbs over Christmas break! I am making NEGATIVE PROGRESS!!!! I am soooooo frustrated!

Anyway… I’m back on it again. Ive signed up for some group workout classes at my college and I am going to start counting all of my calories again.

My goal for 2010 is to lose 30lbs before I go on vacation this summer.

I CAN DO IT!

Here we go.

I have been putting in my calories and my exercise everyday. Everything. I have discovered a couple things that I feel like writing down as a revelation (maybe) to others and as a reminder to myself.

1. Don’t put butter on it: OMG! Butter has so many calories! I thought today I would eat a healthy snack and buy a Bagel instead of a muffin at the cafe on my campus. Well, I should have ate the damn muffin because once they slathered the butter on there and I entered it on the calorie counter it just about the same.

2. Just because it sounds healthier, doesn’t mean it has less calories: I thought I was doing great today because I got a grilled chicken wrap at lunch but once I added all of the calories up it was still close to 500! Not terrible, but definitely not low calorie.

3. Exercise…Just Do It!: I have worked out for the last three days in a row (a major accomplishment for me) and it hasn’t been that bad. Usually, my problem is that I talk myself out of it. My biggest excuse is that I don’t have time. Well, I only spent twenty minutes today in the gym instead of my usual hour because I was on a time crunch and guess what? I burned 200 more calories than I normally would have so it was well worth it.

4. It’s so hard, but try not to let emotions effect your diet: I find that my biggest emotional triggers for food and not exercising are anger and stress. Everyone’s are different but for me when I am pissed off I want to eat and when I am stressed out about school I use food as a tool for procrastination. Last night however, when I got mad at my boyfriend, I just talked about it with my roommate instead of sulking and heating up pizza rolls. Today, I am procrastinating by blogging instead of eating. Calories saved my friends.

That’s about it! It felt good to write these down!

So, basically I just quit. I said “To hell with this shit… I want to eat whatever I want and who cares if I’m overweight.” Well, it turns out I do care.

So, those four pounds lost are regained plus two. I do this a lot, so I’m not surprised.

But, I’m not going to say that I ALWAYS do this because nothing is always and this time things will be different.

I worked out yesterday, which was apparently a major shock to my boyfriend. lol. And ate better and I’m starting off today with a positive outlook.

It is officially time to make weight loss my bitch.

Let me first start by saying yesterday was a bad day for me. It was halloween and I went a little calorie crazy. It is completely unnecessary to eat a hot dog AND a hamburger at a BBQ but, needless to say I went there and it was yummy.

Today, however, was great! I was able to eat all the foods I wanted and still go under my calories for the day! The key was moderation.

I am a singer and this morning I went and sang with some friends from the Bellarmine Choiristers at an episcopal church downtown, afterwards we went to Starbucks. I was worried at first but, instead of ordering a Grande I ordered a tall and was still able to have one of those delicious Morning Buns.

Afterwards I put in my calories and realized that evening my Choir director had sent us an e-mail saying he was taking all the choirsters who showed up for the singing to go out for pizza on him at Impellizeri’s. For those of you who are not from the Louisville area, Impellizeri’s is the best pizza in the world bar none and impossible for anyone anywhere to resist at anytime. Plus when you are in college and live on handouts from your family, free food is always welcome.

So… I put in the calories for two pieces of pizza before I left and I only ate two pieces when I got there. If I had a shiny gold star I would give it to myself.

Lastly, my choir director, A.T. Simpson, was talking to us about women in college and what he said made a lot of sense. He said “Girls in college make me sick because they are puking in the bathrooms and starving themselves to impress some boy who has a beer belly and half their IQ.” Once I put the hysterical laughter, aside his comment really hit home. While granted, I have a boyfriend and I am doing this for myself, I agree with what he said. The entire media image of this perfect, sexy, woman was created by men and mass media and its ridiculous to beat yourself up for not looking like someone else wants.

So… driving home with my girls, and feeling quite liberated, I danced my butt of in the car to some Lady Gaga and felt great about my evening and myself.

Ok, this is my first blog and I must say I feel a little ridiculous.

Today I stuffed my face. This was my last big hoorah before starting on the path to weight loss. However, this has been like my 15th last big hoorah, which is how I got so fat in the first place. Geez.

It’s not that I don’t know what I should eat. It’s that I don’t want to and it’s so hard. I ate pizza hut AND Taco Bell today. That is slightly ridiculous. I felt the aftermath when I had difficulty walking up the stairs to my third floor dorm room. My lungs hate my ass…

I am not looking forward to dieting, but it is definitely needed. Now my main motivating factor is that I am in college and broke so I don’t have the money to buy any new clothes if I get too fat for these lol. That’s kind of sad but hopefully it will be a good motivator.

Tomorrow is a new day and I look forward to being fit and healthy.